Catch Them Doing the Right Thing

Written by Audrey “Sunshine” Monke for Gold Arrow Camp
Keeping Things Positive

I’ve often thought it would be great if all parents could go through the kind of training and orientation we provide our counselors. I’ve heard many times from past counselors that they learned a lot of their parenting techniques from working at camp! Here are a few ways to catch your child “doing the right thing.”

Staying Positive

Often, parents and teachers spend a lot of time focused on what they don’t want their children to be doing, instead of on what they do want them to be doing.  At Gold Arrow Camp, we train our counselors in positive behavior management techniques.  Here are three of the concepts we teach our counselors:

“Catch Them Doing Something Right”

Instead of looking for what a camper is doing incorrectly, we focus immediately on what they are doing well.   When kids realize that we will notice the good stuff they do, they are encouraged to do more of the desired, good behaviors.  A side benefit is that other campers see that we notice good behavior and are encouraged to do the same, so that they, too, will get positive attention.   If most of the cabin group is doing something incorrectly, we compliment and point out the kids who are doing what we like rather than nagging the rest of them.   So, instead of “Stop messing around and get your shoes on for breakfast,” we say, “Hey, great job getting your shoes on the first time I asked, Joe and Sam.”  Everyone else hears our compliment and are encouraged to get moving (and perhaps listen the first time we ask next time)!

At home, my favorite example of this is “Great job having your napkin in your lap, Owen.”  By complimenting one child, the rest are immediately reminded to do what you complimented on.

Refrain from using “Don’t” and “No”

In phrasing rules and instructions at GAC, we use positive wording whenever possible.   When adults use “don’t” or “no,” children often only hear the only part of the sentence that comes after the “don’t” or “no.”    It’s much more effective to let campers know what we DO want them doing.  On a ski boat, our instructors will say, “Keep your hands inside the boat,” instead of “Don’t put your hands outside the boat.” On a rocky trail where it’s safer to walk, instead of “Don’t run!,” we say, “Walk, please!”

At home, this can be things like, “Keep your hands and feet to yourself,” when kids are poking or hitting each other.   Or, “Time to clean up now,” instead of “No more playing.”

The 80-20 Rule

When discussing an inappropriate or negative behavior with a camper, we train our counselors in the “80-20″ rule.  Our counselors know that in a conversation with a camper about a behavioral issue, it’s best to do only 20% of the talking. The camper, in turn, does 80% of the talking while the counselor listens.   We want campers to figure out the impact their behavior had on others and determine their own plan for improvement. So, we ask open-ended questions, such as:

“How do you think your language affects the other kids in our group?”

“How would you feel if someone called you that name?”

“What can you do differently next time when you’re angry?”

When the camper thinks through and comes up with their own improvement plan, they have ownership in it and are much more likely to be successful. Plus, the counselor can then compliment them on their great idea for improvement and the conversation can have a positive tone and focus.

These are just a few of the many techniques we train our counselors to utilize at camp.  I think they can be extremely helpful for parents to use at home, too!

Categories: Being Positive, Benefits of Camp, Family, Health, Joyful Kids, Kids, Kindness, Optimism, Parents, Self-Esteem, Social Skills | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Good Gifts

Written by Audrey “Sunshine” Monke for Gold Arrow Camp

The best thing you can give your children, next to good habits,
are good memories.

-Sydney Harris

Our home is overrun with more electronic gadgets than there are people.  And, with our kids beyond the age where they ask for small toys, it’s difficult to think of a gift that is remotely needed other than new underwear and socks (not super exciting to unwrap, but they’ll get them anyway!).  There is, of course, an onslaught of ads aimed at our kids, convincing them that there are still toys, clothes, and electronic gadgets they must have. My nine and eleven-year-olds are convinced they “need” mini iPads this year. They’d also like iPhones, but they know that’s not happening.  Thinking back to my own childhood, I’m hard-pressed to remember many gifts I received.  And there is only one that I still have and use — my sewing machine!  So, as I do each holiday, I find myself wracking my brain for creative and fun gifts for my kids.

Most material gifts we’ve given our children over the years are outdated, broken, lost, or unused within months of the gifting. I (and my kids) can hardly remember what the gifts were.  We have closets and drawers full of past gifts waiting to be purged from the house and given or thrown away. Like most parents, I realize that there are far more important gifts we give our children than the ones we wrap in December for Christmas or Hannukah. I know the gifts that last are the ones that can’t be wrapped.  In fact, the best gifts aren’t tangible items but memories.   In the spirit of the holidays, I thought I’d write a list of suggested “gifts” for this season.   I hope you find something in here that you can give your child this year.

Read a book together. Even older kids like to hear a good book, but another option with older kids is to both read the same book, then meet to have your own “book club” to discuss it when you’re done.  I’ve always enjoyed reading with my kids.  It’s a great excuse to re-read my favorite books!  The boys and I are currently reading The Hobbit.  Since my memory is so bad, it’s like a new book to me even though I read it with my fourteen-year-old four years ago.  And, since there’s a movie coming out, we plan on seeing the movie after we’re done with the book.  A nice book wrapped up under the tree and the time spent reading it together in 2013 sound like a great gift!

• Play games together.  Okay, I have to admit I’m chuckling a little as I write this.  I love playing games — our recent favorite is Spot It, but Taboo is also high on our list.   However, given the competitive nature of most family members, games in our house often end with someone being disgruntled.  Our backgammon tournament with brackets comes to mind when I think of “games gone bad.”  Still, I imagine us being like the people in the TV commercials, all smiling and laughing together, and honestly most of us do have fun playing games.  For sure game nights produce memories (good and bad)!

Schedule “dates” with your kids.  I know families who have “date nights” with each of their children.   I love the idea and would like to work it into my gift giving this year. One child may want a lunch date, while another prefers a bike ride or a game of golf. In any case, spending time hanging out with our kids, doing something they want to do with us, is a gift indeed (for both them and us!). Time seems to be the hardest gift to give, but it is also most highly valued by the recipient.

•  Give an “event” gift.  These can be costly, but one popular gift we’ve given our older kids is concert tickets (with us included!).  We have a local theater company in our town, and I’m going to look into getting tickets to a musical or show this year.  Wrapping up the ticket in a gift bag with a ribbon makes it a “real” gift.  I like the idea of coupons for events, too.  So, if a child has an interest in something specific and would enjoy a specific outing, maybe create a coupon or certificate to present to them.  Last year, I gave my daughter a one day photography class using a local Groupon, and we had a great Saturday together in January learning how to use all the settings on our cameras.   I’m going to be looking for “event” gifts for each of my kids this year, as those are the gifts that are really memorable and useful, too!

• Plan fun family events. Anything you do as a family creates memories and is a gift that will be remembered. Whether it’s a movie and popcorn night at home or a walk through the neighborhood to see the holiday lights, the gift of time as a family is so important to our kids.  This Thanksgiving, I decreed a phone-free day.  We ended up finding many fun things to do together.  When we don’t have our phones and computers and TVs to default to, it’s amazing what we discover there is to do!  What about taking a family outing to play in the snow in local mountains (if you have some nearby)?

Remember family memories.   Like many of my gift suggestions, this one requires time. I love recording and recounting memories (my 36,059 photos on iPhoto prove it!). My kids never get tired of hearing stories from when they were little. Take some time this holiday to get out the old photos (or pull them up on the screen!) and create a book or collage or slide show together.  We also like to list our “Top 100 Memories” of the year.  It’s fun to reflect on what we’ve done together and what’s happened over the year.  In my fantasy, I create a Shutterfly book with pictures from the year to go along with our Top 100 Memories list.  But alas, that dream is going to have to wait until I find some more hours in my day!  My kids like going through pictures, though, so I like to enlist them to help with photo sorting.  My favorite gift last year from my husband was a hard drive with all of our family movies digitized on it.  We have had hours of entertainment watching our old home movies!

• Focus on giving. We live in a self-absorbed culture where our kids are being bombarded by messages about what they need to buy and how they need to look. A huge gift we can give our kids is to show them the joy in giving to others. One year, our children gave each of their grandparents a poster board with their hand prints and messages about what they liked about each grandparent. Two of those boards are now framed and adorning the hallway at Grandma and Grandpa’s house. Seeing how much their grandparents valued their homemade gift was an important lesson for our kids. There are many worthy organizations that are requesting gifts this time of year. I think a great gift to give our kids is the chance to participate in giving to others, either in our family or in our community.  We like to use the World Vision catalog and select gifts like laying chickens to provide a family with food or a bicycle to allow a child to get to school.  Heifer International also has a gift catalog with charitable gifts to give ranging from $10 and up.  We’ve had our kids set aside “sharing” money from their allowance, and they can use it how they choose.  This year, their school did a shoe box drive for Operation Christmas Child, and the boys enjoyed packing up boxes and writing notes.  We used the tracking option, so they will be able to see where their boxes end up.

• Give friendship, fun, and growth. I’ll wrap up my gift-giving suggestions with one of my favorites, camp! The gift of camp lasts a lot longer than any toy. Campers learn life skills, such as independence and responsibility, while having the time of their lives. Many of our camp families give camp as their child’s big gift for the holidays.  Especially for kids who have been to camp before, this is something they really appreciate.  I like the idea of wrapping up the “You’re going to camp!” note with a camp supply item — like a water bottle, beanie, sleeping bag, or disposable camera.

I haven’t started my shopping for this holiday.  I know there are many super-organized people out there who are done by October, but I can’t even begin thinking about gifts until after Thanksgiving.  Writing this post has made me realize that I don’t need to run out to a bunch of stores this year.  Phew!  What a relief! I’m already feeling less stressed about the holidays. :)   I wish you a stress-free holiday season where you can focus on creating family memories with your kids.

I’d love for you to share your ideas for non-material, memorable gifts to give children during the holidays and for birthdays.  Please use the comments section here!

Related articles

What’s the Best Non-Material Gift You Ever Received? (Huffington Post)
Last-Minute, Non-Material Gift Ideas
Non-Material Gift Ideas: Cheap, Green, & Awesome
Five Non-Material Gifts to Give this Season (Yahoo Voices)

Categories: Arts & Crafts, Backpacking, Being Positive, Benefits of Camp, Campfire, Ceramics, Chipmunk, Communication, Community, Family, Family Camp, Friendship, Fun, GAC | 1 Comment

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